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Parasite

0 commentsSince April 26, 2007


Paul Dean is dying and on the run. In an undated future, a man who once worked for the government creating super secret parasites, has now turned his back on them and become a fugitive. While housing one of the leeches in his own body, he dodges an agent and tries to find a cure for his infested stomach all at the same time.

He ends up in a little community that consists of desert, a couple of houses, a hotel and a garage that is shelter for a gang of thugs. As if Paul needed more on his plate of things to look out for, the gang starts roughing him up, so he finds the aid of a town girl named Patricia (Demi Moore). Together, they try to survive against a life eating parasite and what the harsh world has become.


"Hi, I'm Paul Dean. I am very sweaty, I have two first names and a bug
in my stomach. Care to share some soup?"



In the future, government agents drive Lamborghini's! At least that's what Parasite, the futuristic 3D blood-sucking bug movie would have you believe. That's right, Parasite was originally intended to be and was released as a 3D movie. Most movies that are 3D don't really have much in the way of content because they're trying to support the gimmick and believe me, Parasite just adds to that pile of gimmicky monster movies.

Parasite really is a mixed bag. There are some scenes that are pretty creepy or gory yet entertaining while there are others that are boring or cheesy (yet still entertaining) or just contradict the whole idea that Paul is on the run and that the agent after him has any idea what he's doing. While watching it, you'll wish that you had the 3D glasses to see all of the scenes where you know that it's really enjoyable.


"This is Petey the Parasite reminding you to eat healthy and exercise!"


The casting is give and take. Personally, I think Paul Dean is odd looking and doesn't really give off the vibe of a hero type. He plays a doctor, but he is pushed into a hero role where he not only has to save himself, but others around him as well. I guess you could say that he doesn't look the part because in essence, he really is just a doctor but I'm not going to dig that deep. Besides, he's a very creepy looking doctor anyway; I wouldn't let him work on me. Parasite also features Demi Moore in her "first starring" role. The DVD boasts this fact and is very proud of it.

What I was really shocked about was the music. The music is good for this kind of movie, when you usually have to just deal with orchestral jabs and such. After I did a bit of research I found out that the man behind the music for Parasite, Richard Band, is the man who is also behind the music for classic B movies like The Reanimator Series, The Puppetmaster series and From Beyond (which he actually won an Academy Award for).

It's a good idea to check out everyone else who was involved in the making of Parasite on IMDB.com. For a not-so-great movie, there are a lot of recognizable b movie names in there.

My ultimate concern with Parasite is that it takes itself too seriously. There are a few scenes that are funny based on bad editing or acting but for the most part, it's just boring because everyone makes the whole movie very important and proper. What usually makes a B horror film experience swell is the fact that the actors take the part seriously but in a different direction, to the point where they forget the topic at hand. Which in turn makes their over-acting show in a glorious way. Luckily, Parasite has the bit-parters to hold up the bad acting and cheesy lines.

If you're looking for that typical boring-saturday-afternoon type movie, Parasite really shines. If you don't mind your futuristic parasite infestation movies to be a little drab and boring in between the decent and gory scenes, then you may enjoy this B movie. If you're looking for constant cheesiness or frightful moments, it's probably best to get your life sucked away elsewhere.


I've heard of regretting waking up next to a monster the next morning,
but this is ridiculous!

Killer Klowns from Outer Space

3 commentsSince April 10, 2007


Mike and Debbie are on top of the world, literally, that's what the local make-out spot is called, when they see a shooting star. Instead of staying there and scoring, they decide to go and inspect it.

Before they get there, a local old man has the same idea while going to hunt for food. Him and his dog Pooh march out to the woods and the old man is just starstruck by what he sees. A giant big top tent, but this one is obviously different than what he remembers as a kid. As the old man investigates, Pooh disappears and the old man gets angry. He finds that he is not alone; there are clowns. He is shot by the clowns and never seen again.

Upon looking for it, all they see is a big top tent, so they go inside to check it out. They find a very weird place, nothing like any big top they've been to before. Via Elevator, they find a room full of cotton candy that hangs individually like pods and inspect them. Debbie feels weird about them, so mike rips a piece off to show her it's okay but to their horror, they see a bloody human face inside!

They quickly hide when they hear a noise. It's a clown! The clown is walking around and fiddling with some levers and buttons until Mike says something a little to loud and they sprint for the elevator.

A couple of clowns chase them but Mike and Debbie escape and try to tell the local police about it. The clowns aren't going to take this laying down, so they all gather together and start to walk into town and that is when the clowny carnage begins.


"Where the hell is the Pepto? I always get an upset stomach on the tilt-a-whirl."


I have been watching this movie since I was a kid. I hadn't heard of it when it was released but in those days we didn't have OnDemand, so HBO would hook people up with free service for about a month every year. So we recorded it on a VHS tape (which we actually still have) which was watched probably a million times.

Now the question I keep asking myself is would I be as much of a fan of this movie if I had never seen it before? My answer is yes. I still buy B horror movies often; the box sets and the sales are all top game. So eventually, I would have come across this bad boy and absolutely loved it. I also figured that it can't just be the memories considering the gags in the movie are hilarious and some are just downright genius.

Out of all of the great ingredients in this movie, the best thing about it is probably the title. You know from the get-go that the Chiodo brothers were making a B horror movie and that's all there was to it. Killer, good, Klowns, mispelled and heading in the right direction -- from outer space; hot damn!

The clowns get-up is scary as hell. They have huge disgusting teeth and their laugh is what haunts children's dreams. For the first half of the movie, you are welcomed to laugh along with the fun but eventually you start to realize that there is a real serious danger going on here. They have come to feed and won't stop until the humans are wiped out.

The budget for the movie was two million, which is not a lot by yesterdays or todays standards but they really made it stretch in this movie. For a B movie, everything looks realistic and to a lesser extent, convincing. Sure, it's not all completely perfect, it is a B movie after-all but the feeling is present through the whole thing and that's what's important.

Unfortunately, I needed to keep the video from being too long so I was only able to include a few scenes. I had to leave some amazing scenes out that I'm a bit ashamed about but I had to make sure all the bases were covered, from funny to genius to scary. This is why you need to go and buy the dvd. Not to mention, all of the special behind the scenes special features that it has. It has over an hour of how they performed the gags and effects and it's really interesting.

Despite anything you see or hear, if you're a fan of B horror, you must own this movie; it's a classic! It's also earned a Choice Cut award from The Cut Up and deservingly so. Kudos to you, Chiodo Brothers! May your killer klowns sequel see the light of day!


"King Klown, beast of the big top! 9th wonder of the world!"

The Dentist

1 commentsSince April 6, 2007


Many people are afraid of doctors. Whether they're surgeons, practitioners or pediatricians, people become antsy around them as if every one of them is a malpractice trial waiting to happen. We all know this isn't true but what if your fear did come to life though? Your doctor messes up on a procedure and leaves you in a state, incapable of doing something that you could before. Perhaps a procedure for your teeth?

Meet Alan, he's a dentist. Everything in his life seems to be perfect. He has a beautiful house, a gorgeous wife, a muscular pool boy; everything is right in the world. Alan, However, has a problem. He's a bit off his rocker, stating that he hates the decay of not only teeth but of people and the world.

It's Alan's anniversary with his wife and everything was supposed to go perfectly. Until he gets suspicious from seeing his wife wearing nothing underneath her robe while the pool boy is around. Alan leaves for work but decides to come back and catches his wife in the act with the pool boy but decides to let it be...for now.

The movie continues on and Alan goes through the day imagining his patients as his wife or day dreams about his cheating wife and keeps messing up on procedures for the patients. An IRS agent is on his back about his taxes as well. Slowly, he gets crazier and crazier until he just can't take it anymore.

One nosy nurse, one Opera themed dentist room, several dead people and one dead dog later the dentist finds himself being chased by the cops which escalates into a very unsatisfying ending.


"So, you've been coming for your six month check-ups right?"


The Dentist character is a clean freak, for your very soul! He is the enemy of decay! The guy playing him does a decent job but they could have turned this into a much better movie. The potential and idea was there but the overall execution didn't quite pull it off.

I think the movie did one of the things it meant to by scaring the normal person into giving a second thought to their own dentist but I also think that the pacing could have been revamped a bit. The beginning of the movie goes so damn slow that you almost forget that it's supposed to be about a crazy dentist. Once the scenes show up where he is working on patients though, you're rewarded. Scenes like him drilling and ruining teeth, over clamping jobs and stabbing tongues are all here and are all things that would make the people-afraid-of-dentists cringe.

I was also surprised by the special effects but then at other times I was disappointed. All of the tooth shots look so fake, it's laughable while other scenes where they show blood actually look pretty realistic.

My biggest gruff with this movie is what he does to his wife. He pulls out her teeth to teach her for sucking the pool boys cock but in my mind, that doesn't seem like a fitting punishment especially when the pool boy might be getting a perk out of that deal. Also, the fact that he loves Opera isn't brought up until halfway through the movie when we're introduced to his Opera themed dentist room. This is a biggie because it's what tames him at the end of the movie and stops him from killing more. You'd think they would have beefed the Opera idea up a bit more.

This movie isn't horrible but it's not good either. All in all I would say that it's more on the bad side due to the pacing and dialog. The pacing slows down to a crawl when it should be running full force and the dialog is supposed to be cheesy but comes off as too serious from most of the actors. I would suggest watching this movie if you have an appointment the next day; it might make you reschedule.